H E L L O.

What a whirlwind of a month and already we're halfway through my favorite holiday times of the year! I thought I was pretty much getting through the firsts with Jeremy already, but it turns out there are SO MANY MORE than I even thought about. Such as, setting up our first Christmas tree (3 cheers for that!), our first fight over food in the grocery store, and our first talk about which movies we should invest in and which ones we shouldn't. Also our first argument on why shopping for clothes is not always such a bad thing...unless of course it is often and with quite a bit of money we were supposed to be putting away...*cough*

Marriage is the biggest work in progress that I have ever had, next to my own dealings and work on my soul. So much is said about marriage and I would hear all the time (and still hear) from girls how amazing marriage was going to be, how cool it was going to be to finally live with their best friend, and most importantly how their lives would have so many problems solved. I am in no way saying that all of those things aren't fantastic and I have experienced first hand the happiness of being married to my sweet husband!

But there is so much more to marriage than all of those things.

I want to one day write a whole book on the ups and downs of marriage and anyone that stays with me to read all of my posts will be given a free copy. In all seriousness, MARRIAGE WILL BE THE HARDEST THING YOU HAVE TO DO. I am just going to put that right out there because so many girls have this idea of this fairytale and this strapping man who will come in and sweep away your worries. Men are amazing and my husband has in fact helped me with SO much, but my problems did not disappear into thin air. In fact, many of my personal struggles were still there and I have had to address those in new ways that have been grueling and tough and have really made me rethink my whole life. Not to mention that I gained a whole new set of trials and issues to work through that I did not anticipate. Such as MY LOVE LANGUAGE. Ladies and men alike that could be reading this, take the time to really figure out what your love language is and how you communicate best, because it isn't as easy as just talking to your significant other. People are people and we have different souls that communicate in different ways, and love to love in different ways.

Ex. Sometimes we do not talk as easily and hold things in, waiting till our significant other notices something is wrong. Or, we could be the opposite and want to talk about everything that comes to mind, and that can come across as overbearing or bossy to our significant other who prefers to talk through things after some time has passed.

There are a million different ways to communicate, and it is so key to sit down for dinner somewhere nice and cozy, or go out and grab some fro yo or something nice from Starbucks and just TALK. Discuss how you like to communicate and if there is anything that has been on their mind lately, because that will make a world of difference.

Some girls reading this may feel totally different on this subject and think that their marriage is absolutely wonderful and that they never fight and things have been a fairytale and that is GREAT! I totally applaud that and I am so happy, love makes me happy, but the majority of marriages (especially new ones) are not like that. I can guarantee that there are other girls just like me who got married and realized that our perceptions of marriage were so sheltered and a little blinded. We are just humans, and it takes time to figure out how to really spend time together besides watching movies or sleeping in the same bed at night. It takes time to figure out happy mediums with what you want to spend money on, and how to SAVE MONEY. I can raise my hand to that unashamed because marriage is a learning process between two individuals.

I think another main point to remember is that there is no shame in talking about struggles that we are having in marriage. That is in fact another societal pressure to have these perfectly built marriages from the get-go, with a fancy apartment, nice cars, and all of these furnishings and possessions! It is still hard for me sometimes to remember that things won't be that perfect, and how it will once again take time to build up to our own life full of our own things. Till then, we can be patient in these moments we are having now to really get to know our spouse and how they think and show their feelings, and to appreciate the present.

My life is in a mending period. I can definitely tell you that one. And this whole year my life has changed drastically, which was another thing I did not anticipate. I mean, of course I knew that it would be different living with a man and starting a life with someone else. But I really cannot stress enough for girls to really think about themselves on a mental, emotional, and physical level because every single one of those things will be challenged. Not as if my cute husband is attacking me, but just that I had completely let myself go physically after I got married and I did not even notice it happening. I gained a ridiculous amount of weight, I stopped getting ready, and lost myself in the craziness of the lifestyle change. I am still a work in progress like I said at the beginning and I am not working back to who I was exactly, but I am working to be a healthier and better me in this new life I have now, that was similar to who I was before but still different. That also means that I am working on some mental illnesses that I acquired, or more like have been amplified from the past few years.

That was a hard one to write and they have been hard ones to address. I feel like others can relate when I say that I just never thought I had a problem, and I had the idea that I was struggling with some pretty hardcore mental illnesses but that I could get through them all on my own, which was a complete laugh. I am a big believer in a "no shame" zone and that is something I work on every single day, but boy has that been a relief to see someone about all of these things and to get working on ME. The me that I am now is so different than I was a year ago, and yet I would not change any of the struggle and trial I have had to get here. Each day I get to improve a little more, just by becoming self-aware and taking part in self-healing and treating myself to good things. It is easy to forget to take care of our mental souls and just ourselves in general, and I strongly support anyone who chooses to take that step in reevaluating their lives and seeing someone to just make sure you are doing well up in that mind and feeding your soul some healthy vibes.

I plan on expounding more on mental illness but that will wait for another post but I would love to hear some great advice on marriage and especially mental illness, and the best ways to do some self-healing:) Hopefully though this post helped get some perspective for those pursuing a marriage, getting ready for marriage, or those already married who are feeling that familiar sense of drowning in so many new things. You are not alone! I love chatting so feel free to shoot an email anytime (I'm working on setting up some comments sections but you might have to bear with me, ha)!

Cheers to a great week my friends, and to it being a week away from December, and the month of Christmas!!! And yes, I consider the whole month under the umbrella of christmas:)

Jessi Hope