I know, by the sound of that title you probably think I am about to write some mind-blowing words of wisdom on how to navigate the more choppy then not waters of the human experience, but alas I am just going to ramble on about some more of my experiences:)

What made me want to really sit down and write about this topic, though, came about after I had a pretty in depth text conversation with a new friend. He had been explaining to me his frustrations with the dating game (sigh of dread) and how awful it has been for him! It was so interesting hearing things from his perspective and honestly I love hearing events and conversations that guys have with their interests because it helps me to remember that it is not any easier for a guy than it is for a girl. Is it bad that I have some sick pleasure in knowing that guys do not hold all of the control? ha Anyways, he was grilling me on ways to know when a girl is being honest in what she says and more importantly how to figure out what goes wrong when everything seems to be going right! It is like a flip of the switch really. We were going back and forth in long messages and I was doing my best to try and help him better see what could have been going wrong, or ways that the girls could have meant something different by the things they told him. In actuality though, it just looked like the case of girls who did not actually know what they want or know how to stop things from going forward with someone they did not want. Once again, that sounds very harsh, and I do not mean to make people sound like objects. I told my friend that ultimately, experiences are going to happen to us, the good and the bad, and that it just takes a lot of practice in self-will to let those things happen and to leave them behind us as just that. An experience. They will mold us and help us grow, so that maybe the next time we meet someone that we feel some sort of connection with, we can go further to see if they are really as serious about us as we are of them.

Which, re reading what I just wrote, now sounds like not the strongest advice I've ever given. ha But I really do mean that! It is so hard to find your tribe of people that you can count on and connect with and who will be there past the one night, or the one date, or the one greeting in a party or coffee shop. It is never a good idea to try and force or manipulate anyone or any situation either. Unfortunately, I know the feeling and have participated in creating those feelings before and nothing really authentic can ever come out of something like that. What I can say is that letting things flow and knowing that you as a person will be fine no matter the outcome of the romantic relationship you take a leap of faith into, will do a world of good in helping you stress less and to have more happiness in the moments that you have.

One of the things that always permeates my mind is the concept of a loving relationship. I think that is why I enjoy hearing about the dating lives of people I know, because I want to believe in the goodness of truly loving someone. It almost seems like people take the word love and raise it up so high that just mentioning that to someone can make them run for the hills like you are confessing your undying passion and dedication! Which, as a hopeless ENFP in love with the idea of love, I am the first to say that saying 'I love you' is not something I would take lightly. On the other hand, those warm fuzzies you can feel deep in your belly or blossoming in your chest, the quickening of your pulse, the normal movement of your lungs suddenly becoming a bit more arduous, are all signs that you are speaking with someone who is more important than a fleeting acquaintance. Then maybe a word like love can actually be a good description, that need not mean total infatuation or commitment to marriage.

Thinking about it, I had those warm and fuzzies in my chest when I was talking with some good friends the other day, and I was in love with them! But not in the romantic sense, but in the sense that these friends showed up for me right when I needed them to and did something as simple as watching a movie with me. They probably had no idea that I have been feeling like I am drowning in the lack of social interaction, and that more than anything I just needed a night to not stress about other people and their feelings towards me or what my next moves in life would be. I do love them, and I care about them, and I would never want them to feel alone or like they could not count on me. You may say "Hey, Jessi, that is called friendship and you are supposed to be talking about being in love with someone romantically!". You're right. I did want to talk about romance and how to organize your feelings. The reason I even talked about loving someone in a platonic sense is because knowing when you care about someone so much to the point of love in a friendship, will greatly help you to know when you actually care about someone in those real deep feels of romance. The other day, I had a bit of a fight and disconnect with a friend I have known for years now. As in our friendship went down the drain in the quick opening of a text. The whole reason revolved around the fact that his friends had apparently been asking if I liked him, and he had grown uncomfortable with their accusations and was starting to see my casual messaging and asking to go do things as my "obvious" romantic attraction. I highly doubt this person will ever see this, but just in case, I do not mean this to demean or make fun of him at all. It is just a great example of why it is so important to know the varying ways that you can show love and to the varying degrees you can feel love. To finish the story, I let him know that we did not need to be friends anymore if I made him uncomfortable and to also clarify that I did NOT in fact have romantic feelings towards him like that. In fact, my mind was so far from him, while I was stressing about other things that I was shocked that he even was thinking about that. Unfortunately, I think that might happen quite a bit to people, where they think they have a platonic friendship when they are looking at someone romantically, or vice versa.

I am no expert on love, but I do know that communication is one of the most life saving and beneficial points of contact. If you are questioning someone's feelings towards you, then talk to the person! It is never easy taking the leap to vulnerability, but it can save a lot of time and stress. Brene Brown is one of my all-time favorite professors and public speakers, who put her own vulnerability and courage to the test to start a journey of discovery that has inspired the public to do the same. I still need to finish reading her book Daring Greatly but it already has helped me so much in coming to terms with the feeling of vulnerability. Hell, I showed up to someone's house a few weeks ago because I was fed up with feeling anxious and unaware of what was going on. Putting my whole self out there, I confronted them and spilled out my feelings and worries and had to trust that they would catch me in my fall to vulnerability. Luckily, the conversation did pay off in easing my worries and stresses and I felt better. That is certainly not to say that I have not had my fair share of vulnerable moments gone wrong! It happened and I had to pick up the pieces and let my broken heart mend, but I do not regret the chances I took by doing that. It was worth it! I mentioned this in another post, but the good and bad on the journey to self-discovery can only help us grow. I feel like I am almost writing this so that I can get used to the phrase a little more for myself! ha In actuality though, I really do believe that all of the experiences that happen to me teach me so much about the kind of person I want to be and who I want in my life, or more importantly how I want to be treated.

So really the best advice I have to give on trying to decipher love interests is just to be patient, take the leap of vulnerability and just TALK to whomever you have questions about, and know that every experience will teach you something you did not know before. Even if it is heart wrenching or fly to the top of the skies happy. At least that is my philosophy that gets me through the day!

I didn't mean to talk so long about this, but when I got to thinking about how I wanted to start writing a blog post a day, this topic was all over my mind. So to talk about something slightly different, I am working on upping the variety in my blog and I am working towards implementing a new kind of storytelling and lifestyle column! I hope to get things going within the next month but knowing me it might end up being my New Year's resolution.

STAY TUNED!!

Once again, I'd like to say you thank you to my readers, and I want to keep helping, inspiring, or just making you laugh, for however long I can keep this up:)

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope