The front desk of a news station is not all that entertaining.

By that I mean I sit and listen to all the excitement that happens behind me in the actual newsroom, while strangely enough I feel pretty isolated in the front of the station where anyone can look in and see me. Of course, I am starting to become a bit busier and things are picking up where people now see me as less of a temp and more of someone that can do things for them:) Which I love to do! Being in charge of anything, including just greeting guests and taking them where they need to go, gives me great satisfaction, like I am doing my part. On my downtime though, I get to watch the varying talk shows that play on my local channel, which luckily includes the Ellen Degeneres show! I adore Ellen and the way she can talk to just about anyone and make them feel as if they are the only people on her radar and I do not think I have ever seen anyone unhappy to be there. That got me thinking about how I love people, experiencing cultures, and making connections, which in turn is exactly what talk show hosts do. I hope more than anything for my blog to be exactly the same way.

If Life Were A Movie...

I would have won some big lottery of thousands of dollars or I would have been on the Ellen show at exactly the right time and she would have felt sorry for my broke college self and given me a few thousand dollars to put my life back together. Then after all of that, I would buy some small industrial studio, gather all of my friends and family to renovate the space, and then invite all of you beautiful humans to my first ever taping of the Dream Catching Talk show:) Sounds great right?? I already feel my little ENFP imagination going crazy over the idea. Even if that isn't the reality right now, I still want to make do with the great technology that other minds before me have/continue to cultivate, and I will create my own kind of show right here. Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time trying to improve everything in my life. I have to get these certain clothes because they will be more professional or business casual at work, or I need a frame for this pillowcase I am using as a makeshift canvas, or I need a new strand of lightbulbs in my room because one or two of them broke. There is nothing wrong with improvement, and in fact I love to get better at anything I set my mind to, but there is also great value and happiness in using what you have.

Humble beginnings breed epic endings

Therefore, I will hold out the hope that just because I don't have a fancy camera to record my videos or take my pictures with, or the perfect daylight lighting that I see so often in other blogger's videos (like @thatsojack i.e. Jack Baran's perfectly lit backgrounds, how??) , or even a million people hanging on every word that I say, that I am still chasing my dream and doing a damn good job! Comparison is such a thief of joy, so I will take pride in my little victories of even having the courage to create my own website, spend hours upon hours labeling and linking everything I use, positioning this here and that there, and buying my very first domain. After an extremely taxing and at times very hopeless year, I feel so good in this drive I have found to pursue something as scary as putting my work, along with myself, on display for the world to pick and prod at. So please be kind?

This is about what my Oscar speech would sound like:

This post is shorter than the others, but mostly I wanted to dedicate this one to all of my readers and those who have lifted me up with encouraging and inspiring words that helped me through the rough, EXTREMELY ROUGH, patches. I really don't know if I would be here without you angels out there who know exactly who they are. Or maybe you don't, which makes this even better to write out because they have no idea of the impact that their tender texts, messages, and calls were to a girl who felt impossibly alone in a life who's walls were closing in around her. Thank you. Truly. Even those who have never spoken to me, I am so very grateful you are showing me love by even being here to read these simple words. I want to even go as far as saying thank you to those who were in my life, and now may not be as much, if at all. Some of you I hurt and I will always be apologetic and saddened over and will say over social media that I am sorry for the pain I caused. Others (maybe even those same people I just mentioned) caused me immense pain and hurt, but I know without it I may not have crawled my way out of a dark hole to find so much more light than I had before. I have lost friends, and gained even better friends, and I feel like my feet have walked miles closer to the Jessi that I long for and that I hope to become. Whoever she is, wherever she is, I hope she loves blogging, making people laugh, and creating connection and community in a darkening world.

To you all, and to our happy future together!:)

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope