Coco Chanel, forgive me for stealing a little from your words (Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance), but I really thought this title was befitting to what I wanted to talk about today! Recently, I connected with a new friend and we have been going over the fact that it is so incredible to meet another person who shares our love for conversation and intellectual stimulation. I know, I sound very conceited which is totally opposite of who I am, but basically we love that we can talk about deeper things than what we are doing for the day, how work was, or the latest thing on social media. Not like those things aren't great, but there is an undeniable feeling of "lift" when I can feel my mind expanding on new ideas and subjects than I had not previously known when I talk to someone.

Tang Yau Hoong

Or, maybe I am just running off of the high of this emotional "awakening" I experienced yesterday in the middle of my workday when my stress level had reached about a 12/10 and I could not figure out what was bothering me so bad that I felt like I was shutting down. Then it dawned on me that I was in fact running away from my feelings and indulging in tactics to stay out of the uncomfortable emotions. Also, I found Heidi Priebe's article called "Why Your Heart Keeps on Breaking in the Same Way" which is what led me to self-reflection in the first place. She talks all about why we feel like we keep experiencing the same heartache and pain over and over again, and how most people do not learn how to actually sit in the uncomfortable emotions of inadequacy or hurt, and then move on from them. I feel like I have already talked about something just like this before, so I won't keep going too much in depth about her article, but I do highly recommend it! Anyways, I value my knowledge and I know the American school system has its ups and downs (I'm not totally sure I ever really fit into the unwavering system that keeps you on this straight track from point A to point B), but I am still grateful that I read my adventure books. I am so grateful that I learned how to write accurately and intellectually. I love that I was able to acquire the tools I needed to study things and do research when I have questions about any topic under the sun, because the human mind is one of the most incredible things that ever existed in this world. Or worlds beyond this one, if you believe in that sort of thing.

There was a time when I was in the fifth grade and I had to write a book report with an engaging summary paragraph for a book of my choosing. I don't know how I remember the title but it was called Mariah Keeps Cool, and it was pretty typical mid level reading for elementary school children. It was funny because I had totally procrastinated completing the book report for unknown reasons (but it was still within the realm of my usual habits), and so I cranked out something as quickly as I could THAT MORNING. So during class that day, we all sat in a little reading circle with our teacher leading the discussion for each of our reports. Finally it was my turn and my stomach was twisting in all sorts of knots, because my younger self was always nervous to share my writing and have to face the criticism of others. I believe it stemmed from the fact that I had to work a lot harder than others my age when I first started school due to my lack of mental development as a baby. That was due to a slew of other things I will not get into, but it led my parent's to enroll me in an intense private school for preschool and kindergarten, and a lot of extra help to get me to a level where I could keep up. Eventually, that actually led me to realize my appetite for reading and learning, and in NO WAY am I bragging, but I was pretty smart as a kid and I had a wider vocabulary. Going further, that led me to be a lot less likely to share anything among my classmates because I didn't want my friends to think I was a nerd or trying to be better. Which is weird. And sad, because children should never be afraid to learn and they should never be afraid to show it!

ANWYAYS

It was my turn to read my report and I did, through the giggles of embarrassment and trying to lighten the mood of my classmates, while my teacher looked on confused. Which in turn made me more nervous because I couldn't figure out why she looked so confused! Then after I was done and we did our little 5th grade golf claps, she kind of said "good job, that was really good" but then she was like "umm, that seemed too good though. Did you take that from somewhere?" and everyone else was kind of laughing and I was laughing to hide my true and utter embarrassment that she would accuse me like that in front of the whole class! I mean, I was a 5th grader, for crying out loud, and I had literally written everything down that morning and the last thing I thought she'd accuse me of was plagiarism! Looking back and thinking about this now, I am pretty livid, and I think she got away with doing that in front of all of us because we were kids and I probably didn't really think about the gravity of the situation. Or I did and didn't know what to do. Long story short though, I most certainly did not copy my report from somewhere, I just had a wider vocabulary of words and could write a compelling and creative summary of the book. Simple as that. And she even took the book from me (still in front of the class) and proceeded to make sure the same thing wasn't written on the back of the book. I was burning with embarrassment the whole time.

So the sort of moral of this post, DO NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR MIND. Learn to embrace that there is so much you can learn, and that your mind is capable of so much and taking in so much good! I highly doubt that as much racism, bigotry, classicism, hate, and all of the other things that people don't like to admit are in society, would exist if we could all ascend to a higher level of learning and to really study out topics and look at facts and explore ideas and understand what is actually going on in the world. That is definitely something I am working on, learning to embrace my intellect more, and to get rid of my biases and ignorance so that I may better understand those around me.

HAPPY WEEKEND LOVES AND KEEP LIFE INTERESTING AND BEING YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELVES!

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope