I had a conversation with someone recently...

That is usually how most of my posts begin because I have an obsession with people and getting to the heart of who someone is. Really though, I had a conversation with a friend who happens to be an African male who has lived in the US for over 10 years now. I think we really started to get into the conversation after I was attempting to figure out how to fix something and because I managed to figure it out, he said the phrase "black girl magic" in a lighthearted way. This is not the beginning of saying how that phrase bothers me, but the complete opposite. Without even thinking about it, I responded with "well, everyone can have magic and be great" and then proceeded to say that I value my education and everything but that doesn't make me any better. Now, where would something like that even come from? He looked a little puzzled for a second, and then later on he asked me where I was born and how I grew up and that is where the point of this blog post comes out.

One way or another, I have been trained since childhood, and more importantly as an African American child, to try and fit in. Of course my mother would try and help us to have some sort of cultural experience by putting us in African dance and making sure that we took advantage of the education we have, but at the same time society taught me to try and keep myself in a box. It is a little like a watered down version of double jeopardy, in the sense that I didn't want to stand out among my peers but being one of a few African American students in my classes, I seemed to stand out even more. It is not like students would make fun of me per say either, but it was like I was treated as some sort of novelty. I was the "token black girl" among my friend group, or people would touch my hair like some exotic toy (without asking permission mind you). I hate to even remember, but I even heard from the people who I called my friends, that I was cool because I was black. Not because I was smart, witty, or fun to be around. Should I have taken that as a complement? I would say no, because they were treating me less as a person and more as an object of fun, or novelty as I mentioned above.

Going back to the double jeopardy reference, I am a young woman who has come out into the world with my mind open and my arms outstretched to possibility and growth, and more than anything I feel like I have been hindered to believe that I cannot be any better than anyone else around me. Of course, I don't think I am better than anyone else around me! But for some reason it was twisted, so now I do not know how to take a complement or accept when I do happen to know something more than someone else or that I can in fact perform a task better because I have acquired the skills to do so. It is a weird phenomenon. Why do I feel as if I need to remain small to help others feel comfortable? Why did I find it necessary to have my friends accept me as their token black friend, rather than treat me as a normal human? Why would I find that I needed to remain lower if someone complements me for raising the bar and rising above the stereotypes and preconceived notions that beset those of my ethnicity?

Those are questions that I haven't thought about in a long time, and at first I thought it was because I was being humble. As I said before, I don't want to be higher than anyone, I want everyone to know their worth and their importance and that they can rise above and achieve goals that better themselves. However, I need to also remember that I am just as great and worthy of achievement and success, and that I am not putting down anyone else by being proud of who I am and what I can do. It was really great to continue the conversation with my friend, as he explained that the phrases "black girl magic" and "black boy joy" are used humorously sometimes, but the actual meaning is that we can take pride when one of our own rises above the stigmas and "the man" to achieve greater. We discussed a further example of how hard it is to rise out of the ghetto in South Compton as an African American boy or girl, where most of the kids just see becoming a rap star, or a basketball star, as the way out. The magic that we want to see happening, are these kids doing so much more in other fields like the sciences, or law, or business. There is magic when we can rise above. And that includes people of any color, especially, but not limited to, the incredibly inspiring DACA dreamers.

So, where to do I stand with who I am? I wanted to reemphasize on my blog, but also to myself, that my experience may defer from others of my ethnicity in other regions of the United States, but I still can stand to say that I believe in my "black girl magic" and the way that I have risen above the stigmas that were passed down from generations before me. I also want to say that I believe in my other siblings who will have their varying challenges of being an African American child in America, and I also believe in the rising generations of black children who can have the power to rise up and rise out. We just need to remember our magic and how we can all stand together as every ethnicity and as a human race to raise our children to believe that they can accomplish so much more than any stigma! We all have magic and growth and we can use our unique talents to advance this world in ways we probably never imagined.

There is my altruism showing its face again, BUT YOU GET MY POINT!:)

Here's to a fabulous holiday in the states where I hope to remember the things I'm truly grateful for, to the people that give me something to be grateful about, and for my life and being alive when a year ago that was a bit darker topic.

Sincerely yours,

Jessi Hope