Hi all,

It has most definitely been a minute since I last wrote, but I promise I did not forget about my website and I am here to once again blow your minds!

Catchy first line right? Well I just wanted to make it seem like I was about to write something mind blowing, when in reality I just wanted to check in with all of you lovely people:) So let's start over.

How are you? Me, I am feeling a bit panicky, stressed, and slightly depressed, but it is never too much to handle. I have found after these long months of change and recovery, that such a little phrase as "never too much to handle" can save my life. Even when I don't fully believe it, the fact that I know that phrase at all and I want to work towards really feeling it means that I will survive. Just the other day, I could barely sit still and breathe normally because I realized that my temporary position was over, I was out of a job, and that I had not planned properly for the holidays at all and I could not show my love and appreciation for those in my life the way I did best. Of course, the position I had been doing for the past few months was open and I had already applied, but I was hyperventilating over whether they would actually reach out to me again or not. My other coworkers told me I was a shoe-in (what big corporate company wants to rehire someone and train them, when there is already someone who can do the job?), but I still stressed over the feelings of inadequacy and not being noticed by those who were in charge. I also applied to so many jobs that they all started blurring together, and logically there really wasn't much else I could do in that moment but wait patiently and know that everything would work out the way it was going to. Going back to my magic phrase that I could handle stresses of life, I had to take a step back to calm down and realize that there would inevitably be things I couldn't change. People would make their own decisions that may or may not include me, and I would just have to learn to breathe and focus on what I could change in the moment and not let outside stresses effect my mental health. That may sound extremely in my head, I know, and it may also sound crazy, but I am resigned to the fact that I may or may not think way more into things than other people.

Moving along.

Ever since I learned to take those steps back and just plan for what I could in the moment, it has done wonders for me in learning how to slow down my future speculating and stressing, and to just focus on the present and what can be done. So now, here I am, learning how to put on the face of a champion and to still chase after my hopes and dreams even when things seem completely out of my control. In my opinion, that is what makes the best fighters and successful individuals, those who can separate out what they can change and what they cannot. The first thing I could change was applying for more positions and keeping my options open. The next thing was showing up for those in my life and not just withdrawing under stress because I was worried about what I couldn't do for them. And now, here I am writing in my blog and probably sharing too much information again, but I am not quitting on what I started and keeping up with what I love to do. Which is sharing my experiences to help others make some sense of their own. As a side note for the future, however, I want to add that there is only 4 DAYS left of 2017 and I cannot believe how much has happened! Not just in my own life either, but in the lives around me and in this huge world of humans. I'm not going to lie, a lot of really sad and awful things have happened and I don't want to go into detail about the things that just ripped my heart out. Yet, we all carry on and are about to walk into a new year with dare I say, SO MANY NEW POSSIBILITIES FOR CHANGE! On one hand, I wish I carried more weight in larger scale decisions that can help more people. On my other logical and realistic hand, I stand grateful that I am exactly where I need to be and moving in the right direction to make waves in my most authentic and true way. I wish the absolute best and something similar to each person out there, especially those taking the time to read these obscure thoughts.

I hope you all had a lovely holiday and never stop being your amazing selves and remembering to look in the mirror, because there is a face of a champion staring back.

Cheers to the upcoming new year!!

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope