Speaking in third person is really interesting.

Actually, I was looking up on Google what person-tense I would be speaking in if I referred to myself in the title of this blog post, and one of the searches was linked to an article about how psychologists have said that people tend to be struggling with narcissism if they speak in the third person. Which I find very amusing because if anything I speak in the third person as a way of mocking myself, but that's alright. Maybe narcissism would be a good look for me for a while so I can boost my self-esteem.

Speaking of self-esteem,

I just watched the movie Ingrid Goes West, which is this incredibly gritty and deep look into how detrimental obsessions with social media can be for a person. It was becoming a little scary to watch, because the character named Ingrid goes crazy trying to be like a girl who is "insta-famous" and is this unreal stalker towards her. I wouldn't know what that feels like to have someone wanting to live a life like mine, but I would imagine finding a photo gallery full of pictures of every little thing in my house and everywhere I go and everything I do would be unnerving, at the very least. What I wanted to highlight was not the opposing character whom Ingrid was stalking and her fears, but rather Ingrid herself and how I actually feel for her on so many levels.

Instagram is one of the worst social media platforms I am familiar with,

While at the same time I find it very hard to not be "checking in" on what everyone else is doing through it on a daily basis, multiple times. I hate the way I always end up feeling! Really. And I know what so many people say (who are usually the ones with a pretty solid following), that I don't need to look at Instagram if I think it is so awful. There is something about the culture that has developed with this platform, where all of a sudden there is a certain look to EVERYTHING. The way people edit their photos, what people wear, the places that people take pictures, what they take pictures of, who they take pictures of, it is literal madness to me. There is no clear solution to me that I have thought of yet to how I can post pictures that I like or want to show to those I think may want to keep up with my life, and then vice versa with my friends and family, without being drug into this comparison game with others. Truly, I love seeing people's creativity and personal style manifested in what they post, and especially their successes and happiness! Yet, I am such an imperfect person that I find it so hard to find camaraderie when accounts start to blend together, pictures start looking scarily identical (even with physically different humans in them), and all of a sudden there is a grainy look to outdoorsy pictures or lifestyle pictures with so many posed and rail thin looking girls, and so many staged eating out shots.

I really have do have to commend people for those ones actually,

Because taking the time to set up your coffee, lay out your food, make your bed and layout everything in a grid pattern before you start working on something, that really takes diligence! And I used to be so into trying to create these looks. Trying to fit my life to look like the ideal lifestyles I saw portrayed. I seriously am baffled at how many people have the same hair, the same smiles, the same clothes, the same VW vans, and so many friends, like they are killing the game and I wish I knew how to get people to like my crazy enough to stick around. ha. Really, I am in no way trying to bag on Instagram, because people really do use it to show their creativity or even as their source of income, and that's killer. I just wanted to write about how the ideas displayed where people think they have to mold their lives to appear a certain way has created a stigma in my mind (and probably others too), where I am starting to feel as if I am crazy.

To explain, I feel crazy for thinking that I could post a picture using my simple little iPhone SE (which I am updating in a few months people, don't worry), without any major editing, where I am just standing in my room for the third weekend in a row. I feel crazy for thinking that I could possibly be happy with progress I make working out in my own time and pace and still have cellulite on my legs, or stretch marks, or a curvy body that just doesn't seem to match up with the thin women all over my social media feed. I feel crazy for remembering that every person on this earth is a human being and that no one is actually better than the other. Even the people who happened to be doing things that are projected into the world of technology that would make them appear better than me, are still human and we are the same and we all bleed the same and will die because our bodies are not metal robotic parts that do not require a beating heart.

Does it still sound like I am trying to invalidate the successful and incredible things that people are capable of doing?

Well I am 100% so floored when people follow their dreams and do what they love, and I do not want to try and say that doesn't matter. My desired careers paths all seem to revolve around the media so I'm playing a pretty dangerous game of teetering on a fence, so I will take that fully. I am just trying to reiterate for anyone else who may feel like me, that you aren't alone. In a world of comparisons, posing, and sometimes inauthenticity, I don't want us to ever forget the real deep down humanity that we possess, and I want to strive to remember that and cling to that as much as I can. I am not crazy or wrong because I do not fit the mold set up by society, I am completely myself. And that is about the only self I can, want, and strive to find and be.

Cheers to this weekend my wonderful people and may we all pull ourselves out of the social media stigmas more often, because that gets too exhausting for my taste:) ha

Oh, and if anyone is going to Park City this Saturday, let's meet up? Chase after some celebrities maybe? Okay great.

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope