Sometimes it feels like I was beamed down as a child.

In fact, I am almost certain I was. My parent's might insist on something else but memories can be easily wiped, and I'm also a little convinced that we live in some kind of mist described in the Percy Jackson series. But that theory is for another time maybe.

Back to aliens though.

Someone told me recently that I may not be as unique as I think I am, in terms of the way I think. Which sounds a bit harsh when you read that first glance, and I can promise you I was a little taken aback into a stupor mulling over the words. The person I was talking to quickly explained his words by saying that most people think they are unique in their thinking and that no one else will understand them, when in reality, many of us are more alike than we realize. His words were in response to my frustrations I voiced about how I felt that I was too confusing for people to understand. Which I still think, mind you. But taking the step back to really think about his words, I am beginning to understand them a lot better. I feel like I spend so much time feeling as if I am on some island in my mind, and I don't bother really letting many people onto the shores for the very reason that I don't think they would understand where I was coming from. I believe it is thinking precisely like that that makes huge gaps so hard to cross in terms of human relationships. That isn't to say that sometimes there really are people I just can't seem to understand because our minds do not flow on the same level, but I may be missing out on connections by shutting myself off.

Moving from that vein of thought.

If it isn't obvious by now, I am a very introspective person. On the outside I think it is easy for people to overlook that I think a lot more and am aware of my surroundings because of my extraverted personality and how I lean towards making everything a joke. I hear you already all of you psych majors! Words like avoidance and defense mechanisms are probably floating around your brain, but let's just pretend that doesn't exist right now...which is also avoidance...okay whatever moving on. ha.

My introspections have been tied to my spirit of adventure lately. What if I were to die totally unexpectedly and I haven't even took one of those ridiculous pictures in Italy where it looks like I'm holding up the Tower of Pisa?! Really though. Even if I was beamed down to Earth by total accident, I still have the very real human fear of death and not living my life to its full extent. Whatever that means. I really don't know what that is to me. Or if I'll ever feel like I'm doing enough, or succeeding enough, or improving enough in everything I do. But I do want to know the feeling of being immersed in a completely different culture. I want to be able to force myself to become one with nature and feel winds from a foreign land on my face on the top of a mountain. I want to know what it feels like to run through city streets and laugh with locals who think I'm some crazy American tourist who keeps talking complete gibberish. Compared to the universe, the Earth is basically nothing and pales in comparison. Yet, I have barely scratched the surface of exploring this planet that I am somehow living on, whether I was beamed down or not.

So here I am, and here we are.

As some sort of mental check in and accountability, I want to selfishly say that I have found myself actually sticking to my goals of exercising several times a week and showing up for my classes (assignments finished) rather than driving somewhere and watching trains go by. I have also found an incredible job with a startup where I actually have a voice, purpose, and a work family like I have never had before. It is pretty amazing how something as simple as answering questions and figuring out solutions to customers problems over emails can be something I look forward to, just because I know that I matter where I am doing it. That being said, I have a lot of life to live, and I plan on taking myself out of my comfort zone this summer and to a land I may or may not disappear in and not come back. Take that in a positive "Jessi is finding herself, her purpose, and experiencing the cultures of the world", not a negative "Jessi got kidnapped and we have no idea where she is" way.

So there it is folks, stick to your goals, never lose sight of your passions, and remember to live! Truly. Also, take the time to understand someone you feel you have no common ground with, you might be surprised to find yourselves on the same mental island, just different beaches.

They say don't go out, don't get lost in the dark

Don't go in too deep, don't swim out too far

They say don't go out, don't go out too fast

'Cause I feel it all and I need to live a little at last.

-Billie Marten Live

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope