If it is not already obvious, I have a slight obsession with music, specifically song lyrics. Also, many of my titles were inspired by whatever was my anthem for the week. Songs by Betty Who tend to circulate quite often through my weeks and moods. This week it has been Just Like Me, mostly for the strong independence in her lyrics and the beat.

Photo Credit: Joseph Reidhead

A lot of things that I have been mulling over this past week have made me want to say that's Just Like Me. Such as getting frustrated at work because another girl whom I really actually enjoy being friends with, is solving more "cases" I guess you could say, then me. How workplaces in general have ever developed any kind of system to compare two completely separate humans, who's brains most likely function in varying degrees on varying levels from one another, is beyond me. And I know that a lot of the pressure I am feeling is mostly from myself, because I am fortunate to work in a place where we all build each other and succeed together. However, it would be Just Like Me to think that I am failing at my job because I work at a separate speed and handle things differently than someone else.

Going off of that, I have found that it is Just Like Me to ruin nice things. Such as someone giving me a compliment on a cute outfit, or commenting on the clever way I can dissect a project or topic. As a thank you, I turn around and not only slap someone in the face (figuratively) with my blowing off of the compliment, but punching myself in the gut with my self-deprecating attitude.

For example:

Nice human: "Wow that jumpsuit looks so good on you!"

Jessi (mean human): "Really? I feel like it is just showing how much I need to work on. My thighs are so chunky. But thanks."

See what I mean?

I have no idea where such an attitude comes from, but I really have been trying to pay more attention to when I put myself down. It starts to show when I let all of the little things that I am working towards start to get me down and permeate my mind. It gives me a real...bad...attitude, and in turn will influence the attitude of everything, or everyone, I am around. Especially in regards to how I am creating relationships. Holding myself to an unbelievably high standard starts to create heights in my mind that I believe everyone should be rising to. It would be Just Like Me to start seeing people for what I hope they'll be, rather than who they are.

And most of the time, who they are is better than the fake versions I imagine in my mind.

More than anything, I think it is also Just Like Me to know when I need to start thinking of what I want and really going to get it. Lately I have come to see that I am doing much better than I think and that learning to be patient with the flow of the happenings of life can bring longer lasting happiness. Just the other day I was out with not really any plans for the day with a friend and it turned into one of the best days in a long time because I let go of my control and stress and just had patience. Life managed to take me on a spontaneous, carefree journey that I would have missed with my normal flighty behavior.

So I have been writing this post over the span of two days trying to find my vein of thought equivalent to the standard that you lovely readers are used to, but I am sorry to say that I might have fallen short. I will try harder to post more though so that way things will be less scattered. HA.

Anyways, the deadline I gave myself to post this before midnight is quickly approaching but I hope you all have an amazing week and enjoy this long weekend. I also highly recommend that you all go see Black Panther at some point, because it is a work of art and a powerful piece that ties together African tradition and modern kick ass black heroes. The conversation on the power and strength of women, the perseverance of people of color, and the dedication to find your destiny was prevalent and I would LOVE to talk all day about it with any of you guys. Seriously. And if any of you are around Midvale this week and want to see it I AM ALREADY DRIVING TO PICK YOU UP:)

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope