Hiiiii,

Long time no see, or talk, or read, whichever you prefer. On my side of the world, I have been busy starting a brand new job, finishing college to get my associates degree, and pondering on all that life has thrown my way. The good, confusing, and new.

I did celebrate finishing the semester (mostly because it was cinco de mayo and margaritas are my jam) but at the same time I really had a hard time feeling proud of myself. Which is crazy! I would be happy for anyone else finishing their degree no matter what, yet I was frustrated that I've been in college for years now and this is how far I've come now. Not to mention that I have been in and out of school. At 25, who thinks that they have taken too long to finish a degree?? Yeah I realized how ungrateful I've been, and that this is a great stepping stone for continuing education. But still. My self critique is strong.

Anyways, I finished my first degree. Since then I have been learning new processes, procedures, and diving into a new corporate atmosphere remotely. Which has been VERY weird. It's great to have my own time and be independent at home, but still, I've never had to get to know new teams over Zoom, ha.

To jump to another topic (since I have nothing else to say about this), I have been contemplating the idea of being alone with myself. No, I did not experience a break up, but I have been experiencing an uncomfortable awakening to sitting with who I am and what I think, believe, and value. Despite my words throughout this blog and my own belief that I know exactly who I am, THE GROWTH AND BECOMING DOES NOT END. This means my experiences of confusion and realizing that my thought process is still something I learn about every day goes on each day. Despite how I wish I could always understand exactly what I'm feeling and why. I ask question after question to find the perfect answer for what I feel and that there has to be some sort of reason and explanation. I hate not knowing and I hate sitting in my thoughts and emotions without questioning them. When I do let go, this is when I choose, decide, receive epiphanies, and choose paths that will align with my values. This doesn't mean that I totally get why I am doing something, but I do know that I can be comfortable with letting go and feeling what I need to and in turn move on. I can journey into something new that can inspire and light up my soul. I tend to miss out on these opportunities when I question everything, and it negatively effects my progress within my relationship, life, and goals. Sometimes questions aren't necessary yah know? Sometimes it is just sitting with who you are and remembering what you value and going from there.

SO, that's what I am writing about and wishing for all of you out there reading my words. It is okay to not have an exact answer for your feelings. It is okay to be alone and feel what's inside. You do not have to rely on others or things to fill your time and keep you on the run from yourself. It's a tough route and things DO NOT happen over night. I wish more than you that it was an immediate resolution inside and that I could just continue on. I have to actively choose every day to stop running and filling my time repairing anyone else. You cannot try to save anyone else or grow while drowning. It will never work out the way you think. Trust me.

Well, there it is, my return after months. I really hope that you all have a great week and seriously take the time to distance your self from life and just sit. Think. Feel. Figure out what you value and let the journey take you. You'll be surprised at what you find and how much it can feel like a piece of your soul came back.

Sincerely,

Jessi Hope